Watching, Wishing, Wondering

Recipient: almaviva
Author: sassywitch
Pairing: Billy/Dom, Elijah/Dom, Dom/Orlando, Dom/Ian
Rating: PG
Summary: almaviva said I like a happy ending and don't require full blown porn to be happy. Love AU's but New Zealand time makes me happy too. I really dislike girlfriends/wives/significant others being mentioned (shocking, I know) as I'm really just about the boys. Hopefully this is it.
Notes: his is a story I've had kicking around in my mind for a while now. I've never written in first person before but it wouldn't work any other way.


New Zealand. It all seems so long ago now. It was a time when no matter what our physical age we were all innocent. Carefree. Exploring a beautiful new world so far from our own homes that everything was new and clean and unusual. Looking back, we were all part of an attractive cast that became and still is a large extended family. It all started in a friendly enough manner. The fellowship plus assorted other core cast members, in the name of bonding would spend long and happy nights drinking beer at the pubs of Wellington. If anyone asked us we were making it our mission to find the 'best' drinking establishment in the city.

It was probably then that two things happened. Firstly, whilst I was at the core of the group, I began to really observe my fellow cast mates, but most importantly I began to fall in lust and then the most enduring love I will ever know with one of them. Nobody could have been more surprised than me. I had been straight all my life. Straighter than straight. Straighter than the proverbial arrow. But then Dominic Monaghan happened. Nobody who knows him would be surprised by my emotions. Everyone who has ever known him, even from a distance, is a little in love with him. He's hyperactive, boisterous, often opinionated, he's all arms and legs that he hasn't quite grown into yet and he has absolutely no concept of personal space at all.

But at the same time he's affectionate and caring, he'd give you the shirt off his back and the food from his table if he even thought that you needed it, he'd fight to the death for his family and friends and did I mention how incredibly loving and open he is.

The best thing about the beautiful man-child that was New Zealand Dominic was his complete lack of inhibition, which had an interesting by-product. His sexuality. No one was completely sure which way he swung. His affectionate and wet open mouthed kisses weren't defined by gender or age for that matter. His affection was the only driving force. He wasn't whoring himself, he was experimenting and exploring. To watch him even when his affections weren't directed at me was even more alluring than having his physical touches. It was like watching a butterfly unfurl it's wings from the cocoon and test the air around it.

His orientation wasn't a secret to the fellowship for long. A scant week after they had all met, his first adventurous liaison had occurred.

Ian, no Sir Ian, the only openly out and proud member of the fellowship had cast his eye over his companions and spun his web towards the inquisitive yet unsuspecting Dominic. Enthralled by the tales of past roles and misadventures on stage and set, Dom had been a lost cause from the moment Sir Ian had opened his mouth.

I couldn't help but watch their first tentative kiss. Ian had orchestrated it perfectly, the rest of the cast had disappeared for the night, most of them either 'on the pull' or happily filled with kiwi beer and on their way home. The only ones left had been Ian, Dominic and myself, seated in a booth listening to Ian's nostalgic musings. Given Dominic's rapt attention it was little surprise to me when Ian leaned forward and brushed his lips across Dom's flushed cheek. What had surprise me was Dom's reaction. He had sat still for the smallest of moments before almost launching himself at Sir ian, their second yet first real kiss was anything but chaste. I felt almost voyeuristic watching it, but that didn't stop me at all. A wet needy kiss, lips dragging across each other messily. Sir Ian's experience was no match for Dom's hunger. Suffice to say I found myself alone in the taxi that night. In fact I barely saw anything of my housemate for the next month or so.

When they amicably parted ways, it didn't take Dom long to move on, though I'd hazard a guess that it took considerably longer for Sir Ian's appreciative gaze to stop lingering on Dom when he thought he was unobserved.

Dom couldn't help it. He was like a flame and everyone else were moths drawn to his bright burning light. Orlando was trapped by Dom's incandescent light, I watched him burn, I watched him succumb to the passionate summons of Dom's gyrations, his arms lifted over his head, his shirt riding up to expose his belly as his hips undulated in time to the music. There was no denying it, Dom danced like his body was liquid sex. The most alluring part? Dom had no idea just how incredibly hot he was.

I watched them both, their bodies grinding against each other, their arousal evident to every person who saw them. It was me who didn't go home that night. I had watched them leave barely able to break away from each other long enough to negotiate their way out of the pub. Somehow, I still don't know how, I knew they had gone to the house that Dom and I shared. I couldn't bring myself to hear them, so I begged a bed on Viggo's sofa for the night.

Like all flames that burn hot and bright, Dom and Orlando were not meant to last. Less than a week they lasted. Of course it was difficult for them to keep their hands off each other, on set, off set it didn't matter, unsuspecting cast and crew were prone to finding them entangled in each other in various states of undress and passion.

I figured, it was more hoped really, that they would burn out and I could finally relinquish my sudden attachment to other cast members sofas. The thought of listening to their pleasure all night, every night was more than I could bear, so I took the coward's way out and basically ran away from home.

Perhaps the biggest surprise for me was the way it ended. Maybe catching them in a clinch behind the make up van was the catalyst for Elijah had needed. Either way it surprised me when I walked in to pick up clothes for the next day and found the three of them in a heated argument. Truer words could not have been spoken than still waters run deep. Even in my wildest imaginings, after having watched my companions for so long I never had the foggiest idea that Elijah had been carrying a torch for Orlando.

He may be young but he definitely knew exactly what he wanted. He had followed them home, unwilling to leave without stating his case and receiving a definitive answer from the man whom he desired more than all others.

Standing quietly in the kitchen watching their heated discussion, I couldn't help but be ashamed of myself. Here I stand, the oldest of the hobbits, in fact closer in age to the elder statesmen of the fellowship than I am to the people who have become my closest friends yet I didn't have the courage to tell the man who had become my best friend the truth. I listened to Elijah's far from eloquent, yet heartfelt words and knew that the time had come for me to reveal my own secrets.

Waiting guiltily in the kitchen until both Orlando and Elijah had left, the beginnings of what would become a long term relationship tentatively unfurling around them, I sat on the benchtop, one knee pulled up to my chin, a longneck bottle of beer beside me on the counter, unsurprised to see Dominic walk into the kitchen after they left.

"You may as well say it." He murmured as he opened the fridge and leaned in to snag his own bottle of beer.

"Say what?" I asked, proud of my apparent nonchalance.

"That I'm a fuck-up. That you told me so. Even though you haven't but I'm sure you would have if you'd been home long enough to have spoken more than two words a day to me." The words toppled from Dominic's mouth rapidly, almost as if though if he didn't say them right away he wouldn't say them.

"Dom." I started to speak, but a tight fist of fear closed around my throat, thickening my accent and stealing my vocal ability.

"What?" he turned to face me, "I can take it you know I can." He shrugged. "The others have all told me that you've been sleeping on their sofa's, do I disgust you so much?"

"Ye dinnae disgust meh." I murmured.

"Then why haven't you been sleeping at home?" he frowned taking a long slug of beer from the bottle.

How could I tell him the truth, I fought with myself. He's young and got his whole life ahead of him. He's adventurous and sometimes foolhardy, but he deserves the very best that life can offer. Not a balding, approaching middle aged Scotsman. He deserves to see the world and perfect his craft, not disappear into the shadows of the Scottish film and stage with me.

"Bills What's wrong?" he asked softly, his hands suddenly resting on my knees.

When had that happened? How had he gotten so close to me that he was now standing between my thighs, his concerned eyes searching my face for clues to my distress. Within the space of a heartbeat I was suddenly overcome with a completely different kind of pain.

"Dommeh! Don't." I begged him as I bounced of the counter and onto my feet, my entire body dragging across the front of his as I did.

"What have I done, Billy?" he asked me quietly. I could hear the confusion in his voice. He didn't deserve this from me of all people. So I drew a deep cleansing breath and turned to face him.

"It's not ye." I whispered. "Tis meh."

"What's you, Billy? You're not making any sense."

"It's my problem, not yours." I sighed sadly, "Ah'll fix it."

"Is it because I'm bi? Do you want me to find somewhere else to live? This was your place first Bills, I don't want you to be uncomfortable in your own home." He asked me quietly, his shoulders slumping even as the words left his lips.

"Of course it's not ye wee numptie." I denied his supposition quickly, "You're going to make me say it aren't you?"

"Maybe?" he grinned crookedly, "You're making almost no sense, Bills."

"Dammit, Dommeh. Ah couldn't stay here and hear ye because ah wanted it ta be meh."

"Wanted what to be you.." I watched his brows furrow in confusion and concentration before the realization dawned on him. "Oh! I thought you were straight," a wry smile crossed his face. "Orli's a lucky man."

"Not Orli." I murmured, never breaking eye contact with him while I waited for the penny to drop.

Dom watched me, confusion furrowing his brow as the information filtered through his confused mind, before a wide crooked grin split his face. "Me?" he questioned softly.

I couldn't even find the words to answer him coherently. His question was met with a strangled grunt and a small nod.

I'd barely had time to inhale before the wind was knocked out of me as Dom pushed me back against the cabinets and kissed me hungrily. It never even crossed my mind to resist as our tongues tangled greedily, mouths open wide, devouring each other in our first messy kiss.

I guess he approved, after all.


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