The Pain of Being an Artist

Recipient: thalassatx
Author: enchanteresse
Pairing: Viggo, Bean/Orlando
Rating: PG
Author's Note:For thalassatx, who requested Vigorli or Beanorli or all three.


Sean Bean was leaning against the back of a trailer, wearing his favourite pair of ratty jeans and surveying his script with a jaded eye. He'd been out of role for several hours now and there wasn't much left of Boromir's haughtiness in his manners.

He watched as Orlando wandered by, looking like he was up to no good, which was hardly anything new around these parts. Sean had always found it funny that out of role, Orlando couldn't manage to be graceful to save his life. On the positive side, there were no Hobbits trailing after him, which probably meant that whatever evil thing Orlando had in mind, it would not take on catastrophic proportions.

"He's gone that way, Sean helpfully said, waving in the direction of a little stand of trees.

He smirked a little to himself when Orlando practically jumped out of his skin, then nervously tugged at his little strip of hair. Sean gave him a fond smile; the kid couldn't act his way out of a paper bag sometimes, but he sure was cute as hell.

"Who are you talking about? Orlando asked, nervously licking his lips and trying to look innocent.

"Viggo, Sean said, smirking just a bit. "At least, I assume he's the one you're looking for, since you've been following him around like a puppy all day? I guess that after the whole female underwear bit, it's your turn to prank him.

Sean managed to sound admiring, like a professional pranker bowing to the greatness of another one.

It was obvious that Orlando had no idea what to say. He nervously shifted from foot to foot, then settled for what he obviously thought was a carefree pose. Only his left foot kept twitching nervously.

"I'm not looking for Viggo, Orlando stubbornly insisted.

"Of course not.

"Even if I were looking for him, I wouldn't be following your directions. You'd just warn him off or something, Orlando continued.

Sean rolled up his script and stuck it in the back pocket of his jeans with a business-like expression.

"Honour would dictate that I support my brother in arms, I suppose, he thoughtfully said. Then he smiled, brightly, showing teeth. "Of course, sneaking up on him would be even more fun.

Orlando managed to look hopeful and suspicious at the same time.

"Really? he asked, looking at Sean through his lowered eyelashes.

"Really, Sean confirmed, detaching himself from the trailer and putting a friendly arm around Orlando's shoulders, conveniently steering him in the correct direction. "We've lost our ranger and future king, it's our duty to find him before the bugs devour him.

Orlando shamelessly leaned into the older man, then laughed.

"He's too dirty for the bugs to even want to eat him, he said with the confidence of youth.

Sean thought that the younger man was much too trusting, really. If Sean had had any evil intentions, it would be so easy for him to take advantage of Orlando.


They found Viggo leaning against the back of a tree, surrounded by little balls of paper, scribbling furiously. He was still wearing Aragorn's boots and sword, though he had lost his wig at some point during the day, which was a relief.

Viggo had a look of acute frustration on his face that Sean immediately recognized; he had spent a good part of his life surrounded by creative types and weirdoes. Viggo was obviously trying to drag his muse back by the hair from whatever faraway country she had fled to. Judging from Viggo's expression, the muse was fighting back. She was even scratching and biting.

"You know, that's no good for the environment, Orlando whispered a bit too loudly, from their clever hiding place behind another tree.

Sean lightly smacked him behind the head.

"It's paper, Orlando, not radioactive waste, Sean whispered.

They were probably being too cautious, since Viggo in the throes of artistic creation wouldn't have noticed a Tyranosaurus rex traipsing through the clearing, but rules were rules, and Orlando really was being a sucky Elf at the moment.

"You think he's writing poetry again? Orlando whispered loudly again. "I never got to see any of them.

"He let me read some of them, Sean said, watching the way the wind was blowing in Viggo's long hair.

"Seriously? How come you get to see his poetry and I don't?

Sean blinked and eyed Orlando with a look of increasing interest.

"Orli, you sound awfully jealous all of a sudden. I'm sure he'll write some odes to your Elvish beauty at some point, the way you're so attached to your comb, the long baths with rose petals...

"Oh, fuck you, Orlando whispered, mock punching Sean in the stomach. before he strolled confidently into the clearing.

Sean rolled his eyes and rubbed his stomach. He vowed that one of those days, he would do something horrible to the whole HobbitandElf group, and when that day came, it would be a glorious day indeed.

He followed the elf at a more leisurely pace. As he had suspected, even Orlando throwing himself at Viggo's feet, nudging him in the ribs and practically breathing in his neck only resulted in a vague, dreamy look from the other man. Viggo was obviously lost on some other plane of existence. His body had been left there, but his mind was travelling somewhere else.

"What are you working on? Tell me, I wanna read it, Orlando was saying while attempting to peer at Viggo's chicken scratches.

Sean, a man grown into years and dignity, merely ambled closer, leaned against a tree and thoughtfully patted his pockets, as if he were merely contemplating a good smoke and was there only by chance.

"A poem, Viggo finally said, still sounding like he was far away.

"The muse is a bitch, isn't she? Sean said, still contemplating his fag like it contained the answers to all the mysteries of the universe.

"Actually, mine is a guy, Viggo said unexpectedly, then tugged on Orlando's hair to try to keep him still. "Don't you guys have real work to do?

"The Hobbits are doing something together, Sean finally said, after a long pause. "I thought it would be safer to get far away from them.

"Good point, Viggo said, nodding.

"So, why do you have trouble writing? Orlando asked, pressing himself even closer to Viggo. "Can we help?

"Staying quiet would help, Viggo said drily.

"I'm sure we can help you. Well, at least I can help you, Sean is just going to sit there and smoke. He's useless that way.

"I should have squished him a few more times, Sean said softly, thinking back of the scene in Moria where he had to fall repeatedly into Orli's lap.

"I've done all those creative exercises back in school. You just need to put yourself in the right frame of mind. What are you trying to write about?

Orlando was leaning closer to Viggo and speaking so earnestly that Viggo apparently took pity of him.

"Love, Viggo said solemnly. "What else is there to write about?

Sean was of the opinion that Viggo just pulled that last answer out of his ass. Nonetheless, he nodded with knowledgeable gravity.

"There's footie and gardens, he added helpfully.

"And sex, Viggo said.

Orlando looked back and forth between the two of them, craning his neck in what had to be uncomfortable angles to manage it.

"We could drag Liv back here and you could pretend you're mooning after your faraway love, Orlando said, trying to be helpful.

Sean winced, but covered it up by having a sudden coughing fit.

"That's all right, Viggo said, just a bit too quickly. "We don't want to bother her.

He was looking at Sean, his eyes begging Sean to grab the Elf by the ear and drag him away. Sean pretended not to understand him. Bugging Viggo when he was in his artistic mode was always amusing.

"Okie, Orlando said, thinking quickly. "We can do sex then.

"I don't think Liv would give you the time of day, much less let you paw her, Sean snorted.

Orlando looked at him an indignantly.

"I wasn't going to paw Liv, he said. "But she would so let me paw her. She likes me.

"Then which helpless girl were you going to try to seduce? Sean said, grinning broadly.

"Maybe one of the Hobbit wenches, Viggo suggested, smiling and contemplating the page in front of him.

"I thought I would so do something to Sean, actually, Orlando said, getting up and walking up to Sean with a predatory expression.

"Oooh, I'm so sca--" Sean started.

He never quite managed to finish his sentence, since someone's fingers had found purchase in the fine hair at the base of his neck and a clever tongue had taken advantage of his open mouth to make itself right at home.

"Hmphh!!' Sean said, eyes bugging out.

"Hm-hm, Orlando said, busy trying to coax Sean's tongue into playing with his.

Sean was too shell shocked from being molested by a prancy Elf to actually push Orlando away. If this ever became public knowledge, he would never hear the end of it, for the rest of his life.

His traitorous hands, which obviously had a mind of their own, where already busy grabbing Orlando's skinny ass and dragging him closer.

"Oh, that's perfect, Viggo said happily. "Just keep doing that.

Sean half opened his eyes, noticing that Viggo had balled up yet another page and thrown it away, reaching instead for his camera. Orlando wiggled closer, erasing any kind of coherent thought. Sean closed his eyes again, resigned at being Viggo's muse.

the end.


Concept created by Megolas in 2002
Fabulous artwork ©2002 by Hope.
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Site revised ©2006 by yueni