Slashababy 2004 Stories

  FANFICTION: This story depicts real-life public figures engaged in completely fictional, false and untrue activities. It never happened, it never will happen. This story is a work of fantasy and satire which in no way professes to express the truth about the life, thoughts, feelings, desires, opinions, beliefs, activities or sexual orientation of any person mentioned herein.

Three Things That Never Happened to Dom and Elijah (And One That Probably Did)

for thepsychicclam
by queenbitter

Disclaimer: this is fiction


The warm sunlight streaming through the window woke Elijah. He stretched slowly waiting for the marching band lurking in his brain to officially start the hangover parade. Nothing. He opened his eyes expecting the blinding light to send him scurrying under the covers with hopes of a quick death. The room was bright but pleasant. Elijah did a quick mental inventory. No headache, no sensitivity to light, no taste of death in his mouth. He smiled. A night of heavy drinking and no effects the following day. The day was quickly looking up.

He rolled out of bed, nearly falling when he stood up straight. His balance was off and it took him a moment to regain it. If that was the only after effect he was still going to have a good day.

He reached down to scratch himself. His hand froze.

Something was missing.

He quickly moved across the room, pulling down his pajama bottoms to look in the mirror. He looked in horror at what he saw. Or rather what he didn't see.

He looked up at his face, not recognizing it at first. Softer, prettier, like Hannah but not. His eyes traveled down and even without removing his shirt he could see the slight swell of breasts.

That was when he screamed.

Moments later Dom was banging on his bedroom door.

"'Lij? What the fuck is going on?"

Elijah pulled up his pants and turned towards the door.

"Um. Nothing?"

"Fuck you! You sounded like you were dying. Open the door."

Elijah sighed and opened the door. Dom stopped mid-knock, catching himself before falling through the door. He looked at Elijah, tipping his head slightly to one side.

"Did you turn into a girl?"

Elijah ripped open his shirt and answered in a voice well past hysteria.

"What do you think?"

"I think you have really nice tits."

Elijah shoved him backwards and slammed the door in his face.


"I called Viggo," Dom said when Elijah emerged from his room several hours later.

"Yeah? Did he have any advice on what to do if you suddenly turn into a girl?" Pouting on Elijah as a boy was annoying. Pouting on Elijah as a girl was downright cute.

"Yep. Said it should clear up in a few days."

"What the fuck? How would he know?"

"Remember that time Bean was called back home for an emergency and we had to reorganize the shooting schedule?"

Elijah nodded.

"And remember how Viggo dated that tall blonde woman for like the weekend that Bean was gone?"

Elijah nodded again.

"Bean never left New Zealand."

Elijah stared for a moment and then just shook his head.

"Bean? Sean fucking Bean turned into a woman? And went around with Viggo like they were dating?" He stopped. "Holy shit. They were dating weren't they? I mean, before the gender swap?"


"Wow." He flopped down on the sofa next to Dom. "Did he say what cures it? Or does it just go away?"

"He gave a Viggo answer. You know, makes sense when he's talking, but when you think about it later it doesn't. I think the general answer was that it clears up in a few days."

Elijah sighed and leaned into the arm that Dom and placed around him. "Guess I'll just stay in for a few days."

"Why? Borrow some of Hannah's clothes. We can still go out. All the tabloids will start rumours that I'm straight."

"You are straight."

"Right. Straight. That's me. So get that cute little ass into a pair of pants that fits and lets go out."


The weekend passed quickly and much to Elijah's surprise it really wasn't that bad being a girl. Getting used to sitting down when he peed and remembering not to sit with his legs wide open were about the only things different than his usual weekends with Dom. He had fun a couple of times rescuing Dom from fans by going up and throwing his arms around him.

"You're awfully brave," Dom said later.


"Those fans looked like they wanted to rip you to shreds."


"I am very desirable. You were in their way."

"I could send you back to them."

"No. No. Quite alright."

Later that night they found themselves at the same bar they had been the night before The Change. Elijah had decided that it should be capitalized the day before and Dom had laughingly agreed.

"Would you stop hanging around me if I told you I suddenly had an overwhelming desire to order a wine cooler?"

"If you order a wine cooler I'm punching you in the face."

Elijah giggled, the same sound it had been the last time they were here. Dom smiled at him and ordered their drinks. He passed a beer to Elijah. Clinking the bottles together he toasted.

"Here's to you finding your way back to you."

Elijah drank heartily.

Later after many drinks and dancing with Dom in ways that, well, he'd done before but not when it had made him feel like this he made a small toast to himself.

"Here's to me finding my way back to someone."


Elijah woke the next morning. No hangover. He reached down into his pants. Everything was back to normal. He sighed happily.

"You know, I have one too but I don't think I've ever been that happy to touch it."

Elijah rolled onto his side and looked at Dom.

"Oh yes you have. I've lived around you for many years now. Walls are thin my friend."

"Oh yeah? You've been listening?"

Elijah blushed. "Sometimes."

Dom smiled.

"Before you ask. No I didn't sleep with you because you looked like Hannah. Because you didn't. Prettier. And I didn't sleep with you because you were suddenly a girl. Or to cure you of the new gender. Or because we were drunk. Because I wasn't. And I don't think you were either." Elijah nodded his head in confirmation. "I slept with you because you're Elijah. Because I've wanted to for a long time."

"And because you're so not straight."

"And because I'm so not straight."

"Did Viggo tell you that sex would switch me back?"


"So why didn't you fuck me before now?"

"Honestly? You really did have fantastic tits."


They had been filming for four months before Dom had noticed them. He had let himself into Elijah's house to wake him for their earlier than usual call. As he walked towards the bedroom he saw a light coming from under the door.

"You're already awake?" He said as he opened the door. "This is a. maze...... ing."

Elijah stood in the middle of the room wearing nothing but a pair of faded jeans. He turned towards Dom the large gossamer wings fluttering slightly with the movement. He smiled at Dom.



"You like them?"

Dom blinked a quick pattern with his eyes that he hoped Elijah would understand meant yes. Words were a bit beyond him at the moment. He stared at the wings watching as the light reflected on them, colors shifting as Elijah moved.

"How? Where?"

"Don't know how. Or why. Mom used to call me her "little pixie" when I was really young. Maybe there was more to it than just a nickname."

Dom sat down heavily on a chair by the door.

"Does anyone else know?"

"Nope. Watch this." Elijah turned his back towards Dom so he could watch as the wings folded in on themselves and changed color to match his skin perfectly. They wrapped around his torso and by the time the process finished Dom couldn't tell where skin and wing met.

Dom stood up. "We're going to be late."

Elijah nodded and quickly pulled a shirt over his head and slipped on a pair of sneakers that lay on the floor where he had toed them off the night before.

He walked out of the room getting several steps down the hall before realizing that Dom was still sitting in the bedroom.

"Dom? You okay?"

Dom roused himself and walked out to join Elijah in the living room. As Elijah reached to open the front door, Dom placed a hand on his arm stilling the action. He looked Elijah straight in the eye, more serious than Elijah had seen him.

"You're beautiful."

"The wings?"

Dom shook his head. "No. You."

Elijah smiled, opened the door, and pulled Dom out into the pre-dawn darkness.


"What do you mean he turned into a puppy?"

"I'm saying Elijah that last week while you were away, Dom turned into a puppy."

"You mean he's been following you around everywhere?"

"No. I mean he's been barking and chewing on the furniture and NO! Bad dog! You go outside to do that!"


"Did I just hear a barking sound?"

"Elijah, just get your ass over here and get your dog. Dom. Whatever."

"Um. Okay Sean. Does Christine know that you've had a psychotic break?"

"Just get here. You'll see."


"Here." Sean handed Elijah a wiggling pug puppy that immediately licked his face. Elijah laughed and smiled at Sean. "Okay. This is all very cute and funny. Where's Dom?"

"I'm telling you. You're holding him. He came over here two nights after you left to have dinner with Christine, the girls and I. He played with Aly, whined that he missed you, and then drank to much wine. I offered him a room to crash in. The next morning I heard a weird sound coming from the bedroom. I went to investigate and the puppy you're holding was in Dom's bed."

"Sean. Didn't you think maybe Dom is pulling some kind of practical joke?"

"Talk to the dog. You'll see."

Elijah sighed and held the dog out. Feeling extremely stupid he addressed the dog.

"Hi there."

The dog licked his hand in greeting.

"Is your name Dom?"

The puppy grinned and licked his hand again. Elijah glanced at Sean who motioned him to continue.

"Dominic Monaghan?"

The puppy nodded his head. Elijah's eyes got really big.

"Are you Dom? My Dom?"

The puppy wiggled and licked and nodded. Elijah almost dropped him. Dom gave him a reproachful snort.

"There you go. Take him home. He's already made a mess around here."

"Sean. Dom's a dog."

"Yes. And he's your dog." He turned and reached for something on the table. "I bought him a leash. Have fun."

A few minutes later Elijah found himself back in his car feeling very confused and with a puppy sitting happily in the front seat. As he pulled out of the driveway he thought he heard Sean shouting about kicking bad puppies.

It almost sounded like the puppy was laughing.


That evening Elijah sat on the couch playing a video game. Dom kept coming around and licking at his ankles, but Elijah was finally going to reach the bonus level and he didn't want to be distracted. Dom tried licking again and Elijah finally hit pause.

"Dom. Go. Somewhere else. I'll play with you later." Which was pretty much what Elijah had said about three hours earlier when he had started the game. He resumed his game and within about 45 minutes he was victorious. He got up and went to find Dom.

Dom was standing on Elijah's bed when Elijah walked into his room.

"Hey. I beat the game." Elijah smiled.

Dom fixed him with his best puppy glare and snorted angrily. The smile slid off of Elijah's face.

"What? You're mad at me? What are you gonna do?"

Elijah realized his mistake a second too late as Dom scrambled over to his pillows and peed.


Elijah was sitting at breakfast the next morning when Dom walked out.

"Wow. That was pretty fucking weird."

Elijah dropped his spoon.

"Shit you scared me."

"Sorry. I'll bark next time I enter a room."

"No. I just. When did you change back? How?"

"About 10 minutes ago and I have no idea."


"My feelings exactly."

Dom stole Elijah's toast off his plate and sat down.

"So I missed you."

"And to show that you changed species?"

"I missed you a lot?"


"Did you miss me?"

Elijah smiled softly. "I really really did. And then I came home and there was a dog instead of a Dom. Please don't do that again."

"I'll do my best." He paused. "Hey, you want to come stay at my apartment tonight?"

"Sure. Why?"

Dom grinned and snorted slightly. "This place smells like dog piss."


"Um. Dom?"


"Why are you in my bed?"

"Because you asked me stay here?"

"I did?"



"Shortly after you announced to the world that you needed chocolate. And porn."

"The world?"

"Well, the seven people in the convenience store anyway."




"So did I get any?"

"Any what?"


"Yes. You ate a bunch of Hershey's Kisses."



"How about the porn?"

"What about it?"

"Did I get any porn?"


"What did I get?"

"It was more of a live action show."

"Oh. Will I ever get it again?"


"Cool. Hey Dom?"


"Is that chocolate on your thigh?"


"Porn and chocolate. I think I like you with both."

"That's great Elijah. Can we go back to sleep now?"

"I guess so. Can I have some more chocolate?"

"Knock yourself out."


"Uh. While you're down there might as well have a reprise on the porn."


Slashababy 2004 Stories